GROWTH AND DEVELOPMENT
by Patcat
Summary: Sequel to EXPECTATIONS
1. Chapter 1

A sequel to EXPECTATIONS. Not entirely fluffy, but a bit of a present for the season.

Chapter One

He sat uncomfortably on the too small plastic seat. Larger, pleasantly stuffed chairs filled the waiting room, but he felt he didn't deserve them. In his mind those chairs were reserved for the many women in the room. Some of those women glared at him, while others looked at him with sympathetic or envious eyes. The two other men in the room appeared as awkward and uncomfortable as him and gave him occasional sympathetic glances. One was at least a decade younger than him and the other looked barely old enough to be considered an adult let alone a candidate for fatherhood.

"Thank you for coming," Alex said. She sat in one of those large, stuffed chairs next to him. "You didn't have to."

Bobby briefly looked at their interlocked hands. "Yes," he said in a soft voice. "Yes, I did. More than that, I wanted to."

Alex smiled at him. "Well, I'm glad you're here, if only to have someone close to my age here."

Bobby smiled wryly. "We are in a different demographic group from most of these people. And I'm a different gender."

Alex leaned closer to him. "I think some of these women are jealous."

"Alex Eames," the nurse called. "Dr. Warren is ready for you." The nurse looked curiously at Bobby as he stood.

"This is Bobby Goren," Alex said. "He's my partner…and the father…" She'd rehearsed the words in her head, but actually saying them was thrilling and unbelievable. Bobby gently squeezed Alex's hand, and her heart threatened to fill and overflow. "Can he come back with me?"

"Of course," the nurse said as she opened the door that led to the hall of the examining rooms. Her professionalism couldn't hide her happiness at discovering what might have been a difficult discovery was clearly a joyous one. "All right, Ms. Eames," she said affectionately. "You know the routine. There's a gown behind the screens. If you could change, Dr. Warren will be here very soon. She's right on schedule." The nurse turned to Bobby, who was mildly disconcerted by her study of him. "You can sit there, Mr. Goren," she said kindly. "It's not the most comfortable chair, but it'll work."

"Thank you," Bobby said softly. He sat, opened his binder and pulled out a pen.

The nurse weighed Bobby's graying curls against his ill concealed nervousness. "Your first, Mr. Goren?" she asked in the same kind voice.

Bobby started slightly. Behind the screens, Alex smiled.

"Yes," Bobby admitted. "I was hoping I wasn't that obvious."

"Not that much," the nurse said. "Just that I'm an old hand at this." She smiled at him.

"You…uh…probably think I'm a little old for this…especially for my first," Bobby stuttered.

"No," the nurse shook her head. "It's good to see a man who waited until he knew what he was doing." She moved to the door. "Dr. Warren will be here soon," she called to Alex as she left.

"God," Bobby shook his head as Alex, clad in a gown at least two sizes too big for her, appeared from behind the screens. "I wish I knew what I was doing."

"Hey," Alex said, stepping closer to him. "I've done this before, and I'm not sure what I'm doing."

"I don't find that reassuring." He hugged her gently. "Are you ok? Are you warm enough?"

Alex smiled against his shoulder. At moments like this, she didn't mind being a foot shorter than him. "It's always the same in here…No matter what season…It's always too cold." She looked up at him. "But you're good at keeping me warm."

The door opened, and Dr. Warren entered the room. Bobby and Alex reluctantly separated. The doctor smiled.

"Alex…It's good to see you…"

"Dr. Warren, this is Bobby Goren…He's…he's…" Alex struggled to find the words to describe what Bobby was to her.

"I'm the father," Bobby said with a mixture of fear and pride.

"Yea," Alex agreed warmly. "And a good deal more."

"I can see that," Dr. Warren said gently. "Mr. Goren, could you help Alex on the table?"

Bobby more than helped her; he lifted Alex on to the table with remarkable ease.

"I'm impressed," the doctor said dryly.

Bobby blushed slightly. "Sorry…"

Alex and Warren shared a smile.

As she examined Alex, Dr. Warren found herself liking the large, gentle, shy man who was the father of one of her favorite patients' child. He treated Alex with great care, almost as if she were a fragile treasure. He listened intently and carefully to everything the doctor said and took copious notes. He paled slightly when Warren quietly warned Alex of the potential dangers of her pregnancy. He did become evasive when the doctor inquired about his family history. He looked uneasily at Alex.

"Could I get back to you about that, Doctor?" Bobby asked softly. "It…it's complicated…"

Alex had told Warren a little about Bobby's family history, and the doctor understood why he might be reluctant to discuss it. "If you'd like," she said. "You can fill out this questionnaire and get it back to us."

Bobby gratefully accepted the form. "Thank you…I'll get this back to you as soon as possible."

"You can change now, Alex," Warren said. "Everything looks great."

"You're sure?" Bobby said as he looked in his binder. "What about…?"

Alex gave Warren a sympathetic look. "Bobby," she said as she moved behind the screens. "I promise you…She knows what she's doing…"

"It's all right," Warren said. "Let's deal with your questions while Alex gets dressed."

Dr. Linda Warren was an experienced, extremely well trained doctor who dealt with frantic fathers every day. Robert Goren was far from frantic, completely not overbearing, and exceptionally polite, but his intelligent, well-researched questions placed Warren in the unaccustomed and uncomfortable position of scrambling for some answers.

"I'm sorry," Bobby whispered. "But so many things can go wrong."

"They usually don't," Warren replied softly. "And remember…Alex has done this before…She's tough and she's smart…"

"I know that…It's part of why I love her." One of Bobby's large hands swept across his face, and the doctor found herself liking this man more and more. "It's…it's just…She hates it…but she's so small…"

"Who's so small?" Alex emerged from behind the screens. Bobby appeared to be trying to find some way to disappear into the floor.

"Alex," Dr. Warren said calmly. "I strongly recommend that you not hurt the baby's father until you go into labor." She smiled. "Everything looks terrific. Next time we might be able to get a picture for you."

Bobby struggled not to hover as he guided Alex to the car. Her gratitude for his concern outweighed any irritation she felt at being treated as a fragile invalid.

"Dr. Warren likes you," she said as she buckled her seatbelt.

"I like her," Bobby replied. "She didn't patronize me or make me feel like an idiot."

"Linda Warren never makes anyone feel like an idiot…even idiot," Alex smiled. "So, I have the rest of the day…You?"

"Yea…Ross didn't blink an eye." Bobby carefully drove the car out of the parking garage. "We're going to have to tell him…"

Alex nodded. "Yea…I can't hide the baby for too long…Not that I want to."

"Same here," Bobby said. "'Course, I may wind up working for Deakins…or unemployed."

Alex stretched and yawned. "I think Ross has suspicions…I think Deakins had suspicions."

Bobby frowned. "But we weren't together when Deakins…" He glanced quickly at Alex. "He…He might have known before we did?"

"I think a lot of people knew…at least thought…we should be together before we did…My sisters did," Alex said.

Bobby grew somber. "But your brothers…parents…" He gripped the wheel tightly. "Your mother still blames me…and your older brother…"

"Is an idiot," Alex declared. "He's lucky my Dad pulled me off of him. He's an idiot and my Mom is wrong." She placed her hand on Bobby's shoulder. "You know that no one else in my family blames you for what happened. I know my Dad pulled my brother off you. And he read the riot act to Mom. My Dad rarely reads the riot act to anyone."

The tension in Bobby's body eased a bit. "Yea…but that was before I got his daughter pregnant."

Alex harrumphed. "I think his daughter had something to do with that. And he's dealt with unexpected babies before."

Bobby gave her a surprised look.

"I'll have to fill you in on all the gory details of my family," Alex said lightly.

Bobby was silent.

"Hey." Alex's hand rested softly at the base of Bobby's neck. "What's going on?"

"It's just…" Bobby's right index finger taped on the wheel. "It's hard for me to think of anything in your family being "gory"."

"Yea," Alex said thoughtfully. "I guess your definition of "gory" might be very different from yours." She gently rubbed the back of Bobby's neck. "Don't worry, Bobby. They'll come to love you. Half of them already do. And others…They came to love Joe, and all of them were against him at first."

"But…Alex…I'm…I'm such…"

"Don't," she said gently. "Don't be so hard on yourself."

"O…Ok…"

"We'll approach my family in easy stages," Alex said calmly. "We'll tell my Dad first…and we'll do it after we get the ultrasound photo…"

"Yea," Bobby said ruefully. "Maybe your Dad will be less inclined to kill me if he sees proof of his grandchild's existence."

A week later, Dr. Linda Warren entered an examination room and faced a calm Alex Eames and a composed but mildly anxious Bobby Goren. Warren beamed at them. "You'll be happy to know," she said. "That everything is better than fine."

"You're sure? What about…" Bobby started.

"Bobby," Alex said patiently. "Dr. Warren has everything covered."

Bobby blushed and stared at his feet.

"It's ok, Alex," Warren said gently. "Bobby, I assure you everything is fine. I'd be happy to go over every point with you…But everything is fine." She smiled reassuringly at them. "We can even get that picture for you now, if you'd like."

Bobby's attention was instantly diverted. "I know," he said. "That all the literature says that you can see the baby now, but it's so early…"

"I've told him," Alex said as she relaxed on the table. "That we'll be able to see something, but he won't believe me."

"Just wait a few minutes," Warren said. "And we'll show him."

Bobby, leaning forward and holding Alex's hand, watched intently as Dr. Warren traced the scope over Alex's abdomen.

"There," Alex pointed as a tiny smudge of lighter color appeared. "That's it, isn't it?"

"Yes," Warren said. "You remember this well, Alex."

A lump rose in Bobby's throat. That tiny smudge, that thing he couldn't recognize, was his—his and Alex's—child.

"That…that's…" He choked.

"Yep," Dr. Warren said. She decided she really liked this man. "That's it."

"It's beautiful," Bobby said.

END CHAPTER ONE


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO

"So," Bobby asked cautiously. "You ok? Feeling better?"

"Much better," Alex replied cheerfully. She smiled. "But the next time you put something next to my side of the bed, let me know, all right? I know I've been sick almost every morning for the past week, but that bucket was way too big."

"I…I'm sorry," Bobby said as he stared down the road. "I…I just didn't want you to have to keep running to the bathroom…"

"I understand," Alex said. "But if I had been sick this morning, we would have had a real mess." She shook her head. "The first morning in a week when I haven't been sick and I stick my foot in a bucket."

Bobby looked at her with concern. "You…you're sure you're ok? Should we call Dr. Warren? Go to the E.R.?"

"Bobby," Alex said calmly. "I'm fine…The baby is fine…Falling flat on my butt isn't a tragedy."

Her words eased the waves of tension flooding from him. "But…but…It could've hurt you…and the baby…God…Alex…If…if…"

Alex gently touched his arm. "Bobby…you're going to be a wonderful father…You're wonderful to me…This morning wasn't a big deal…And it was my fault as much as yours, if it was anyone's…I'm the one who stepped in the bucket, after all…" She ruffled the hair on the back of his head. "What's going to happen the first time the kid gets a fever or stubs a toe?"

"I'll be a basket case," Bobby said wryly. "It's just…I'm so nervous…"

"It'll be ok," Alex declared. "My Dad will understand…"

"He knows I'm coming?"

"He knows you're driving me. And he told me to invite you to lunch when he found out," Alex said.

"He must know something's up," Bobby said worriedly. "He's a very bright guy…"

"Yea," Alex said. "I have a suspicion that he was one of those people who knew about us before we did."

Bobby drove carefully. "I haven't driven on the highway for a while," he said thoughtfully. "It's…liberating…"

Alex gently rubbed his neck. "You've had to deal with a lot lately."

He glanced at her. "And you've had to deal with me. Neither of us has had an easy time." He sighed. "Poor kid…doesn't know what he or she is getting into."

"What he or she is is very lucky," Alex said. "To have a mother like you and a father like you." She continued to gently rub his neck. "Look, Bobby…Babies don't know about bad timing…" She stretched as much as she could within the car's confines. "Bobby, do you want to know if the baby is a boy or a girl?"

"I just want the baby to be healthy," Bobby answered quickly. "Although, we would know what to paint the nursery…Oh, God…Alex…We don't even know where we're going to live…We need to get married…To tell people…Look for new jobs…"

"Bobby." She pressed gently but slightly tighter against his neck. "I know…I know…But we need to take things one step at a time…just like we talked about."

He calmed, as he always did when faced with her steady words. "Ok," he said, and his grip on the wheel eased a bit. "But…but, Alex…I do want to marry you…I…I want you…the baby…to know…to know that I love you…That I love you very much."

Alex brushed her hand across his cheek. "And I love you very much, too. And that should get us through anything."

"Sometimes it isn't," Bobby said softly, but Alex sensed her words had calmed him.

"There's the restaurant," Alex said. "Boy, this ride seemed a lot shorter than usual today."

Bobby had never felt so small, in spite of the fact that he banged his head on the car door and stumbled over his feet on the curb. As they entered the restaurant, he realized that Alex had managed to maneuver in front of him.

"She's protecting me," Bobby thought. "I'm such a wimp that my pregnant girlfriend has to protect me."

Johnny Eames sat at a table at the far end of the restaurant. He smiled and rose as Alex and Bobby approached. Bobby suddenly thought that he now knew how someone walking to an execution felt. Mr. Eames hugged Alex warmly while Bobby stood awkwardly behind her. At that moment Bobby realized what a huge, bumbling giant he was, how his hands and feet were large, destructive flippers. He shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other. Mr. Eames finally released Alex and turned to Bobby. The smile remained on his face, but a wary look hovered at the edges of his eyes.

"Bobby," he said warmly. "It's good to see you again, son." He shook Bobby's hand.

Bobby recalled that the last time he'd spoken with Alex's father had been when Alex left the hospital after the attack by Jo Gage. He wondered why the older man would think it was good to see him again.

"It's good to see you again, too, Sir," Bobby replied.

The trio sat, and, after ordering—Bobby followed Mr. Eames' suggestion and ordered the daily special without really knowing what it was—an uneasy silence descended over them.

"So," Mr. Eames said, eyeing Bobby and Alex closely. "What's going on?"

Bobby was afraid—afraid as he'd ever been in the Army; afraid as he'd been when confronted by an angry cop with a gun; almost as afraid as he was when Alex was kidnapped. He liked and respected Johnny Eames and desperately wanted the man's good opinion. More than that, Bobby thought he couldn't bear it if he was the cause of a rift between Alex and her family. He had some idea of how important her family was to Alex from watching and listening to her, and his own experiences led him to long terribly for one.

Alex's hand found Bobby's, and they took strength in each other. Mr. Eames saw the move and raised his eyebrows.

"Ah," the older man said quietly. "That's what's going on." His voice lacked any accusation.

"Mr. Eames," Bobby said urgently. He leaned forward but clung to Alex's hand. "Please…please…understand…It…Alex…It wasn't her fault…I…" Bobby ran a hand across the back of his neck. "I…love her…I love her so much…and…"

The waitress' arrival with their food fortunately ended Bobby's stream of desperate words. An uncomfortable silence settled over the table as the waitress placed the plates before them. Bobby stared at his plate as he realized that he'd ordered food that he hated. Alex still held his hand. Mr. Eames sighed and studied his daughter.

"Do you love him?" he asked Alex.

"Yes," Alex answered simply, looking her father in his eyes.

Bobby continued to stare at his plate. "I…I…" he mumbled. "I don't deserve her…but…but…"

"No, you don't deserve her," Mr. Eames said.

"Dad," Alex said fiercely. "You know Bobby…He's a good man…A very good man."

Her father's face softened. "Lexie…You know no man is good enough for you and your sisters…I still have doubts about their husbands, and it's been years and a half dozen grandchildren." His attention turned to Bobby. "Son, do you love my daughter?"

Bobby's head snapped up from his continued contemplation of his plate. "Yes…Yes…I'd do anything for her, Sir."

Mr. Eames looked at Bobby, then Alex. "All right," he said. "If you love each other…And you're grownups…You know what you're getting into…The Department…"

"We know, Dad," Alex said ruefully. "Boy, do we know."

Bobby tried to come to terms with the idea that Alex's father wasn't about to kill him. "Of course," he thought. "He doesn't know yet…" Bobby took a deep breath.

"There…there's something else, Sir." Bobby gripped the table's edge. He glanced at Alex, who nodded encouragingly at him. "I want you to know…We…We want to get married as soon as we can…"

Mr. Eames' eyes narrowed.

Bobby reached inside his jacket and pulled out a small black and white photo. Alex smiled. Bobby had carried the sonogram with him since their last doctor's visit. She wasn't worried about her father's reaction—she trusted him completely. But she knew that Bobby had no tangible reason to share that trust. For Bobby to show her father this photo was a great leap of faith. Holding the photo tenderly by its edges, Bobby extended it to her father, who took it with equal care. He looked at the photo, then at Alex, then at Bobby, and again at the photo.

"I love Alex…I love this child," Bobby said softly. Alex heard the tension in his voice. "I will do everything I can for them…I swear to you, Sir…I will do everything I can to be a good husband and father…Please…I know how important her family is to her…Please…" Bobby gripped the table's edge so tightly that his knuckles turned white.

"Lexie…" He father asked gently. "Are you all right? Is the baby all right?"

"Yes," Alex said quickly and firmly.

Her father examined the photo again. "I don't know about you, Son," he said as he carefully handed it back to Bobby. "But I've never been able to really see the baby in those pictures. I have to take it on trust."

"I guess," Bobby said in a shaky voice. "We have to take a lot of things on trust."

"Yea, we do." Mr. Eames shook his head. "I don't know what I'm going to tell your mother."

"We'll help you," Alex said. "She'll love him…It may take a while…but she'll love him." Her tone indicated that her mother had little choice in the matter.

"Well, I'll make sure your brothers and sisters are on board," Mr. Eames said firmly.

Bobby released a long, ragged breath he wasn't aware of holding. "Thank you," he said. "I promise you…I will take care of Alex and the baby."

"I believe you," Mr. Eames said.

"I told you," Alex said confidently as they drove back to the city. "My Dad is on our side."

Bobby stared down the road. "He's…he's a great guy, Alex…I wish…I wish…"

"What is it, Bobby?" Her hand brushed his neck.

"I…just wish…I'd had a Dad like him," Bobby said wistfully.

"Well," Alex said. "You'll have him as a father-in-law."

"Yea," Bobby said. "The kid has some good examples on at least one side of the family."

"Bobby," Alex warned.

"Are you sure?" Bobby asked. "That you don't want the genetic tests…"

"Yes," Alex said firmly. "Besides…You've told me and I've read that schizophrenia isn't genetic…and there's no test for it…"

"Alex…There are other things…"

"Bobby…All babies…They're a gamble. We've talked about this…We're both willing to take a chance…We have to believe that we'll be ok…That we can handle whatever comes along…"

"All right…All right…"

Several miles passed before he spoke again.

"What about the rest of your family?"

"Don't worry," Alex said confidently. "My Dad will handle them."

Two days later a case took them to an uptown station. As Alex spoke with several cops she knew from her days in Vice, Bobby volunteered to fetch their SUV. They had parked on the parking garage's roof, and Bobby shivered in the cold wind as he fumbled for the keys.

"Goren."

The hard, cold voice stopped Bobby's struggles with his keys. He looked over his shoulder to see Alex's oldest brother Mike stride towards him. It was Mike who'd set upon Bobby while Alex lay in the hospital after the attack by Jo Gage. As Bobby braced for an expected attack he remembered that Mike was a sergeant in the station.

Mike Eames wasn't in uniform, and he lurched as he approached Bobby. He stopped abruptly several inches from Bobby, who attempted a calm attitude. His shoulders slumped and his eyes down cast, Bobby made himself as small a target as possible.

"Who the hell do you think you are, Goren?" Mike challenged him. Bobby noted his words were slurred.

"I," Bobby said hesitantly. "I…I don't think I'm anyone."

Mike glared at Bobby, who was at least three inches taller and several pounds heavier than the slightly younger man. Bobby knew Mike was probably in better shape, but all of this information was irrelevant. He would never lay a violent hand on any member of Alex's family.

"You mess with your partner and get her pregnant!" Mike said angrily.

Bobby said nothing.

"Damn it, Goren! Don't you have anything to say?" Mike was in Bobby's face now. "I should just go to your Captain…"

Bobby's head snapped up in fear. "No," he said. "That would hurt Alex…We have to tell him ourselves…" Bobby smelled alcohol on Mike's breath. "I'm not going to get out of this without getting hurt," Bobby thought.

"You didn't think about that when you messed with Alex!" Mike backed Bobby up against the SUV.

"It's all I think about…If I'm hurting her," Bobby said softly. His voice was nearly lost in the wind.

"I know about you, Goren…My Dad's been away from the force…He doesn't know that you're a whack job…"

Bobby blinked.

"You nearly got her killed…You're a stone around her neck as far as her career is concerned…God…Why she hasn't dumped you…" Mike raised his fist, and Bobby braced for his attack. "But she won't even think about it." He dropped his fist. "All this time…She keeps defending you…And now…"

"I know," Bobby said softly. "She…she nearly left once…"

"Why she didn't…" Mike glared again at Bobby. "But my sister is loyal and stubborn. She won't leave you…won't admit she made a mistake…You have to get away from her…"

Bobby shook his head. "I can't do that," he said. "I love her…I have a responsibility…"

"Like you'd be a good father for a kid," Mike sneered.

Bobby winced as Mike stabbed in his most vulnerable thoughts. "Don't you think I know that?" he said in despair. "Don't you think I know my reputation?" He slumped against the SUV. "I don't know why she loves me…I don't know why she's stayed…But she does and she has. I…I know she nearly got killed because she's with me…But I will take care of her and this baby…I will…"

Bobby's words failed to calm Mike—they actually inflamed him. Mike grabbed Bobby coat.

"Don't you understand…You're supposed to be some kind of genius, but you can't even understand this simple idea…She doesn't need you…She has her family…We'll take care of her…She doesn't deserve you."

"I know that," Bobby whispered. "I know…"

"Send her away!" Mike shouted. "You go away!"

Even though he expected the blow, Bobby was surprised when Mike's fist appeared in front of his eyes, followed by the blow's force, and hard pain. The blow spun Bobby away from Mike, and he saw his reflection in the car's window. A small drip of blood formed at his nose's edge. As a second blow caught him just below his right kidney, Bobby wondered if he would ever be in a fight where he had a chance of winning. He waited for the next blow, mentally betting whether it would be at his face or his body, when he heard a yelp.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Alex shouted.

Bobby turned to see her standing in front of her shocked brother, who clutched his left side.

"Lexie…" he gasped.

"How dare you!" she yelled. "You know he won't fight back." She glared at Bobby, who wished he only had Mike Eames' blows to deal with. "For one thing, he's not that stupid…He could…should…charge you with assault. And I may just have him do that."

"Alex," Bobby said hesitantly and through the pain of a swelling lip.

Alex quieted him with a look. "And…" Although Alex was nearly a foot shorter and one hundred pounds lighter than her brother, she managed to back him up against a post. "Bobby loves me…really loves me…Enough that he won't fight members of my family…How can you tell me you love me, Mike, if you do this to the man I love?"

Alex shook with fury. After several seconds, she walked to Bobby's side. He stared at his feet, but she tenderly took his chin and raised his face. She pulled his handkerchief from his pocket and gently wiped the blood from his face.

"You ok?"

"My pride is a little bruised," Bobby said. He took the cloth from her. "Thank you. I really don't want to charge your brother with anything."

"All right," Alex conceded. "But he's getting the cleaning bill for that."

"I guess I'd be lucky to get by with that," Mike said cautiously. "Lexie…I…I'm sorry…"

"I'm not the person you should apologize to," Alex said severely.

Mike shuffled his feet. "I…I'm sorry, Goren…It…It's…She's my little sister…I…I worry about her…"

Alex made a sound in her throat that caused Bobby to feel considerable sympathy for Mike Eames. "You might want to quit while you're ahead," he said."

"I think you're right," Mike said ruefully. He was nearly sober now, and fear of his sister replaced his anger towards Bobby. "I'm sorry, Goren…I gotta stop talking to people after I've spent the day celebrating with my squad." He extended his right hand. "Ok? Truce?"

"Only if you call me Bobby." Bobby took Mikes' hand.

"Done. Bobby." They shook hands.

"You know I'm not going to be that easy," Alex said sternly.

"I know," Mike said nervously. "But…Would you…At least…Not tell Dad about this? When he told me about…He warned me not to cause trouble…"

Alex smiled sweetly and evilly. "Only if I have to."

Mike sighed. "Thank you…and you, Bobby…I…I need to get back…"

"You shouldn't have any more to drink," Alex said quietly. Bobby sensed he watched an ongoing scene between the brother and sister.

"I won't…I promise," Mike said. "See you…and Bobby…on Sunday?"

"If we get this case cleared up," Alex answered. She stepped up to her brother and hugged him. "You take care of yourself."

"You too, Lexie." Mike turned and disappeared into the stairwell.

Alex and Bobby wordlessly entered the SUV. "You ok?" she asked as she maneuvered the car through the garage.

"Just embarrassed," Bobby replied. "My pregnant girlfriend had to protect me."

"Only because you're too brave and strong to fight," Alex commented. "Mike's lucky I'm pregnant, or I really would've kicked his butt." She deftly steered the SUV in the late afternoon traffic. "One of my family's gory details," she said calmly. "Mike is a great guy until he gets one or two too many drinks in him. It's never been a huge problem. We can get the keys from him. We know to cut him off at family events. He's never touched his wife or his kids. And it's never been bad enough…But with potential brothers-in-law…" She glanced at Bobby as they stopped at a red light. "You're not the only one he's "talked" to."

"Gee," Bobby said after a beat. "I thought I was special."

Alex smiled woefully. "You are special," she said. "The good news is, if we've got him, we've got my family."

"That's worth a lot of bloody noses and embarrassment," Bobby said. "Now if we can just deal with the NYPD…"

END CHAPTER 2


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Captain Danny Ross stared at the two detectives who sat in front of his desk. Alex Eames sat ramrod straight on her chair's edge and looked him calmly in the eye. Bobby Goren slumped in his chair and stared at the floor.

"Damn," Ross said. He rose from his chair and stared out the window. "Damn," he said again and turned to Goren and Eames. Goren seemed to be trying to will himself to disappear into the floor, while Eames sat up even straighter.

"What were you thinking?" Ross blurted.

"I'm sorry, Captain," Alex said calmly and regretfully. "We fell in love. Thinking…we thought about it a lot…but we fell in love."

"It wasn't her fault." Bobby came to life. "She…"

"Bobby." Alex's hand briefly brushed his arm. "We talked about this…"

Bobby again slumped in the chair.

Ross stepped in front of his desk.

"Goren…You're just back from suspension…" There was more disbelief than anger in the Captain's voice. "Eames…You're just getting back on the street after desk duty…And you're coming to me and saying you're involved and you want to get married?"

Bobby continued to desperately look for a hole in the floor.

"Yes, Sir," Alex said. "That's about it."

Ross sighed. "How long has this been going on?"

"Not long," Alex answered. She glanced at Bobby. "Just…just since what happened to me…And it's been…sporadic…what with everything that's happened to us. But if we're honest, there's been something between us since…"

"Since we knew she'd stay," Bobby said softly.

"Nothing happened until…until everything," Alex said. "We don't think we're above the rules, Captain." She smiled. "In spite of our recent behavior. We respect those rules…We believe in them…But we fell in love."

Ross shook his head. "And what am I supposed to do?"

"We both have our letters of resignation, if you want them," Alex said. For the first time, tension entered her voice. "We don't want to leave the department…but if we have to, we will…We're more than willing to transfer…To accept anything…" She smiled again. "Well, almost anything…the department wants. I'm not going back to Vice, especially right now."

"The two of you…" Ross struggled to believe what he was hearing. "Have just fought to get back to work and to stay as partners…And now…you're willing to…" He turned to Bobby. "Goren…You told me this job is your life…I've seen how you work without her…"

"Eames…Alex…Is my life now," Bobby said. He looked at Alex, and Ross was stunned by the expression in Bobby's eyes and face. The Captain was equally shocked by Alex's responding expression.

Ross sighed again. "All right…We can work this out…It's not the first time something like this has happened in the Department…Just give me some time…I know there's a lot of people who want you…The support you both got recently told me that…I will hold on to one of you…I may even try to keep you both, although there's no way I can keep you as partners."

Alex and Bobby shared a relieved but uneasy glance.

"We may not have that much time," Alex said.

Ross' mouth dropped open as her statement's implications registered in his mind.

"I'm pregnant," Alex stated.

Ross looked wildly from one detective to the other.

"It wasn't her fault," Bobby blurted out. "She couldn't use the pill because of the pills and…"

"Bobby," Alex said in the same patient, calm tone she'd used throughout the conversation. "I did have something to do with this."

The Captain continued to look at one detective and then the other. He'd never seen an expression quite like the combination of fear and love on Goren's face. The patience and love Ross saw in Alex's face caused the Captain to feel envious of Goren.

"Like I said, Sir," Alex said. "We didn't think we were above the rules…Still don't…We certainly didn't plan for this…But we both want this baby…Very much…"

Bobby leaned forward in his chair and clasped his hands together. "Sir…I will do anything…anything…to protect Alex…I…I love her…I love this child…."

Alex sighed. "Great, Bobby. Take away any sliver of leverage we might have."

Ross studied Goren. He'd seen Goren angry, Goren impatient, Goren exhausted, and Goren afraid, but he'd never seen this love in the man.

"So," Ross said. His initial shock began to fade. "You've put me in the position of leaving an unborn child with two unemployed parents."

Some of the tension left the room.

"I've been working on my typing," Alex said. "I can always get a data entry job."

"I've been a bouncer before," Bobby said. "I could probably do it again if I have to. Although," he ran a hand through his graying hair. "I am getting a little old for it."

"I don't think either of you will have to resort to those jobs," Ross said. "Like I said, plenty of people want you, even if I have to let one or both of you go. And with the recommendations I can give you, you'll be fine."

"Thank you, Sir," Bobby said. "It's much more than I deserve…much more…"

"Well, like I said," Alex said. "I'm not going back to vice. I'm not going to explain to this kid why his or her Mom owns a leather bikini."

"Can you give me a couple of weeks?" Ross asked. "I'd like all of this to be a done deal before the Chief of Ds finds out. I'm going to fight to keep both of you."

"You know," Alex said. "Whether we're partners or not, we'll still talk to each other."

Ross nodded. "I suppose congratulations are in order, then."

Alex smiled at Ross, and he realized that for all of her calm bravado, the past minutes had cost her a great deal. He turned to Goren, who slumped back in his chair, his eyes shut and taking a deep breath.

"Detective," Ross asked. "Are you ok?"

Alex touched Bobby gently on an arm, and he straightened, blinked, and returned to the world. He looked at Ross with so much gratitude that the Captain could barely hold his gaze.

"Thank you, Sir," Bobby said. "After everything…I…All the stuff I pulled…I don't deserve it…She does…" He titled his head towards Alex. "But I don't."

"You've caused me some grief," Ross agreed. "But you've also made me look very good. And right now both of you are still working for me. Get out there and do your jobs."

"Yes, Sir," Alex said as she stood.

"Alex," Ross said gently. "You're ok? Everything is good?"

"It's great," she beamed. She looked at Bobby. "He treats me so…so good…"

"She's beautiful…healthy," Bobby said eagerly as he stood. "And the baby…Here…" He excitedly pulled out his wallet, but stopped and looked at Alex and Ross. "Oh…uh…I'm sorry…"

"You can show him the sonogram if he wants to see it," Alex grinned. "Although I understand if everyone isn't as entranced with our baby as we are."

"I'd love to see it," Ross said.

End Chapter Three


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

No, I haven't forgotten this story.

The bed's slight shifting woke Bobby. Still half asleep, he shivered as the cold air blown by the fan struck his bare arms. He reached for the sheet and woke completely as he realized Alex wasn't in her place next to him in the bed. He sat up quickly, swung his legs out of the bed, and saw that her bag was still at the foot of the bed. He stood and started towards the door that led to the bathroom. It opened, and Alex waddled through. Bobby tried not to smile.

"Sorry," she said in a voice husky from interrupted sleep. "Your kid is sitting on my bladder again."

Bobby decided this was not the time to point out the kid was also Alex's.

"I didn't mean to wake you up." Alex moved to stand in front of the fan. "But it's hard for me to move quietly. Heck, it's hard for me to move. Is the AC turned all the way up?"

"Yea…"

"And you're freezing. Lord knows what I'm contributing to global warming," Alex said. "I'm sorry…This kid has a weird thermostat."

Bobby smiled. "It's ok."

"There's no reason why we both need to be up." Alex waddled towards the bed.

Bobby helped her sit down on the bed. "The doctor's sure there's only one in there?"

"Not unless one is doing a great job of hiding." Alex blew a strand of damp hair from out of her eyes. "Judging from this baby's size, it's definitely yours."

Bobby balanced on the bed's edge and carefully placed a hand on Alex's back. "I love you very much…I'm sorry you have to go through all this."

Alex leaned back into his touch. She welcomed it and its cool and gentle feeling. Bobby slipped his hand beneath the T-shirt Alex had stolen from his drawer and began making small, soft circles on her back. She leaned back until he eased her back on the bed.

"Here," he said, and helped her turn on her side. "Better?"

"Much better…"

He lay next to her. His hand again slipped beneath the shirt and tenderly cupped her full breast.

"You're so beautiful," he murmured. "So full of life and love. I never knew anything could be so beautiful." He kissed her forehead, and his head moved down to splay across her large tummy. He hand joined his.

"Right now I don't feel so beautiful. More like a beached whale. It's good to hear that someone…The someone…Thinks that I am…"

The small, pure stone on the ring on her finger shimmered as it caught the light.

"I wish," Bobby said. "That could've been bigger…"

"I didn't and don't want a bigger one. Remember?" Her voice was soft and patient. "Not practical for the job. I prefer small and elegant to big and gaudy. And we certainly have other things we need the money for. I'm still sorry you sold your mom's ring…"

Bobby touched her lips with his fingers. "You said I needed to deal with my past…Everyone has always told me that…And that ring was…It was a symbol of a lot of things wrong with my past…And like you said…We needed the money for other things…And it funded our present and future. I…I think that my mom would approve of that ring supporting her grandchild."

"But a girl," Alex mused. "Might want it…"

"I hope we raise her to learn things aren't that important." Bobby sighed and rolled over on his back. "I…I always felt that that ring…It's like it was a symbol of everything that was wrong with my family. It really wasn't a heirloom."

"I got the impression it was," Alex said gently.

"Nope. It…The man I thought was my father…He gave it to her when he was flush to impress my mom. It wasn't something handed down on either side of my family. My mother invented that story. Along with a lot of others."

"Why did Frank keep it?" Alex asked She'd learned to seize the moments when Bobby was willing to talk about his family.

"He…He was always more willing to buy into her fantasies…I think he came to believe in a lot of them…So he may have believed the ring was something important to our family…But I don't think she gave it to him. I think he stole it. I think I just happened to get to him before he'd had a chance to sell it. Anyway, it's been used for something better than Frank would've done with it."

"I can agree with that," Alex said. "I gotta warn you…The only thing we're going to get from my family is that hideous table held together with rope."

"It's not that hideous," Bobby said. "And it's got a nice flat surface…"

Alex smiled. "You know…The only thing I'm really worried about is that this kid will appear before we're married."

"Well, he/she only has until tomorrow if he/she wants to embarrass us." Bobby's voice became warm and tender, as it always did when he spoke about the baby. "I'm sorry it's taken so long…"

"We had other things to do," Alex said.

"You sure you don't want to know if it's a boy or a girl?"

"We'll know soon enough," Alex laughed. "Although we could change the nursery's color…"

"I like the rainbow we got going in there," Bobby said. "Besides…The crib will be in here for the first month or so. We've got plenty of time to repaint or paper or whatever. Just as long as we agree we still hate pink."

Alex giggled. "I bet that the kid will love pink."

"I don't care," Bobby said. "As long as the kid is healthy and happy…" His fingers moved again across Alex's tummy. "I just hope I can be a good father…"

Alex touched his cheek. "You'll be a great father…I know it…" She yawned.

"Go to sleep," Bobby said softly. "We've got a big day tomorrow…Today…"

"The kid seems to have settled down for a while…" Alex fought against another yawn.

"Alex…You…You want to get married?"

"You aren't getting cold feet, are you?" Alex smiled, but she heard the fear in Bobby's voice. "We've talked about this…"

"I…I know…But…I don't want you to feel trapped…"

"It's usually the guy who feels trapped. But you're not the usual guy." Alex rested her hand on his chest. "Like I told you…I want to marry you…I love you…I want to have this baby…I love it…But I'd want to marry you and I'd love you without this baby…But if you don't want to get married…"

"No…That's not it." Bobby's large hand covered hers. "I…I'm just afraid…Of hurting you…Of not being a good father…I…I love you so much…I love this child…But…"

Alex kissed his nose. "I'm scared too. I don't know how good a mother I can be. But if I'm with you, I can do anything. We'll deal with this. We've gotten through so much already. We'll get through this."

Her strength renewed his, as it always did. "Ok," he said.

She was asleep in seconds, but Bobby remained awake. One of his hands rested on her tummy, and the baby's occasional movements thrilled him. The baby's development fascinated him, and he was fortunate that Alex was amused and touched by his interest. Nothing fazed her, even when her nephew saw Bobby resting his head against Alex's stomach trying to hear the baby, and Nate insisted that he also get a chance.

Bobby touched Alex as lightly as he could. He didn't want to wake her. One of them should be conscious when they got married. They'd meant to get the legal formality out of the way long ago, but everything conspired against it. There was the baby above all. This pregnancy hadn't been without its scary moments, even for Alex, who, after all, had been through this before. For Bobby, every day seemed to bring a new terror. Alex eventually threatened to block his access to the Internet and keep him away from any library, but he still watched her like a hawk. The baby was more than enough to occupy them, but there were many other things--including the destruction of what was left of Bobby's family, the revelation of their relationship, the changes in their professional lives, the sales of their respective homes and their moves into a new one together—all combined to increase the chaos in their lives. All of this took place as the NYPD underwent a crisis of its own, one that developed when emails linking Frank Adair with the Chief of Detectives in the conspiracy to discredit Bobby and Alex's former captain James Deakins were leaked to the press. Once he left the NYPD, Bobby paid little attention to department gossip, but Alex's many sources suggested that Captain Danny Ross might not have started the leak, but he did nothing to turn off the faucet. Before Bobby's signature was dry on his resignation letter, Chief of Detectives Kenneth Moran had submitted his own.

There was so much chaos in the department—and Ross moved so smoothly to protect Bobby and Alex—that the real reason behind Bobby's resignation and Alex's transfer to Victim's Advocacy was lost to almost everyone outside their families and friends. Alex took the lieutenant's exam and was stunned when she placed among the top five prospects, a result of her own intelligence and Bobby's tutoring. She found herself the second-in-command of one of the more equally balanced NYPD units, and for the first time in her career had a female boss. Her commander didn't bat an eye when Alex asked for pregnancy leave. For his part, Bobby was stunned to receive several job offers before he even formally submitted his resignation. There were also several feelers from other units in the NYPD who urged him to explore possible transfers within the department. But Bobby was finished with the NYPD and its machinations. After discussing the many offers (surprising to him, not so to her), he accepted a teaching position at Hudson University and a consulting position with the security and investigative firm Deakins had joined after his forced retirement. The post at Hudson didn't pay a great deal, but it offered a good benefits package and the chance to write as well as teach. The firm didn't offer any benefits, but paid handsomely. Combined with Alex's salary and benefits, Bobby and Alex could provide very well for their child. Alex lost some money on the sale of her home, but the profit Bobby made from his more than made up for it.

The only thing they hadn't done, Bobby wryly thought, was remember to get married. He looked at Alex, who slept carefully balanced on her side. He hadn't lied earlier. She was beautiful, and he thought she'd become more beautiful as the baby grew inside her. He didn't dare touch and risk waking her. He knew she needed sleep. Stubbornly insisting she was ok, she'd finally agreed to take her leave just a few days ago. But today when Bobby returned from teaching a class, he found her plopped in a chair in front of a fan and looking as bedraggled and exhausted as he could remember. "Everything will be ok," she told him, but he didn't get much sleep that night.

Looking at Alex, Bobby realized he wasn't going to get any more sleep this morning either. He softly brushed her cheek and tummy, rose, went into the kitchen, and fixed two small pots of coffee (caffeine for him, non for her). He took his coffee to his desk in the extra room that had become the office for both of them and worked on the article he'd been asked to contribute to a conference. "Mom always wanted a scientist for a son," he thought. "Maybe I've sorta become one…" He worked steadily until his cell phone's alarm chirped at him. He turned it off, walked into the kitchen, prepared a tray with cereal, juice, and the decaf coffee, and reached the bedroom just as Alex's alarm clock rang. Alex blinked and smiled at him as he walked in the room. "Just a minute," she said as she slowly rose from the bed. She returned from the bathroom a few minutes later and gratefully accepted the cup Bobby handed to her.

"I'll be very happy when I can have the real thing again," she said. "This was nice of you…Breakfast in bed on our wedding day…"

"Easy and simple…"

"Well, if I'm hungry afterwards, you can take me to a lavish meal at the diner near City Hall," Alex smiled.

"It…It's not much of a celebration," Bobby said softly.

"Bobby." Alex touched his hand. "We've talked about this…I didn't want a big wedding…I…I had that…It's part of a life…That I don't want any more…This is the life I want…I want you…I want your child." She squeezed his hand. "You told me you didn't want a big fuss either. Have you changed your mind? Do you want the whole gown and tux and flowers…

"No…Especially not me in a tux…" Bobby smiled. "I…I just wanted to make sure you were ok…"

"Well, let's get going." Alex finished her coffee. "We can share a shower and you can get all those places I have trouble reaching."

Two hours later they sat in a buzzing City Hall waiting room. Bobby wore his best suit and Alex's favorite of his ties; Alex wore the most comfortable and least dowdy maternity dress she could find.

"You look terrific…A lot better than me," she said.

"You're beautiful," Bobby said. "The most beautiful…"

"Ms. Eames and Mr. Goren," a harried woman called.

Half an hour late, they stood on a sidewalk on one side of City Hall. Bobby stared at the gold bands that now circled the fourth fingers of his and Alex's left hands. Alex looked up at the sky. It had been clear and hot when they entered the building, but dark clouds now filled the skies, and the air was heavy with moisture. A huge drop of water splattered on their intertwined hands, and Bobby quickly maneuvered Alex to a coffee shop before the storm let go with a roar.

"You ok?" he asked as he pushed her damp hair out of her eyes.

"Yea…Do you feel it?" Alex looked out the window. "The air…It's cooler…It's fresher…Not as heavy…"

"Yea…And it's washing all the dirt away…"

The crowd trying to escape the storm by running into the coffee shop was remarkably cheerful. Bobby stood and gave his chair to an older woman, who warmly thanked him. "Your husband is a real gentleman," she said to Alex. "Not many of those around."

"I'm lucky to have gotten him," Alex smiled.

"I hope I'm not intruding," the woman said. "But is the baby due soon?"

"Any minute," Bobby said softly.

Alex braced herself for comment about how big she was, how hot and uncomfortable she must be, and a catalog of pregnancy horror stories. But this woman only smiled.

"Good luck to you all," she said. "You both look very happy. It's good to know this child will have a happy home."

The storm ended as suddenly as it started, and the coffee shop, wealthier from the purchases of the storm's refugees. Bobby and Alex remained and enjoyed their wedding breakfast of iced coffees and large, gooey rolls.

"To you, Mr. Goren." Alex tipped her cup to Bobby.

"And to you…Mrs. Goren." Bobby smiled. "I promise I won't call you that very often."

"It sounds pretty good," Alex said. "Well…At least we got this kid a last name…And it's a good one…"

END CHAPTER FOUR


	5. Chapter 5

I seem to return to this story sporadically. It's pretty much alternate universe now, and hopelessly fluffy.

CHAPTER FIVE

Bobby carefully helped Alex out of the cab. She looked at the small gold bands on their hands. "Finally official," she said. "I don't think you can carry me over the threshold."

"Not a good idea, " Bobby agreed. "But I promise I will as soon as I can after the baby comes."

"Deal," Alex said. Once inside the house, she waddled over to her favorite chair and wearily flopped down. "I'm glad I don't get married every day. And that I'm not pregnant all the time. Wonderful as both are."

Bobby sat carefully in his favorite chair across from Alex. He leaned forward, clasped his hands, and looked at her. "I, I never, I don't know what this is like. I mean, being married. And with a baby. I, I never. I'm not sure. I know I never really thought I'd have anything like this. I don't think I even hoped that I could." He ran a hand through his hair.

"If I could," Alex said. "I'd get up and hug you."

Bobby smiled. "I'll fix a cool bath for you."

Several minutes later Alex soaked in lavender scented water. She sighed contentedly. "I think this is the first time I've been really comfortable today."

"So, if we keep you in cool water until the baby comes, you'll be fine?"

"Maybe," Alex said. "Wrinkled, but happy."

"Can I help you out?"

"You trying to get me into bed, Robert Goren?"

"Yea," Bobby answered. "But only so you can get some sleep."

"Ah, what a wild honeymoon night," Alex said. "But we've already had that."

Bobby eased her out of the tub. "C'mon," he said as he wrapped a towel around her. "Let's get you some sleep."

Alex fell asleep quickly. Bobby sat across from the bed. He read, but frequently checked on Alex. Propped up by pillows, she slept the sleep of the exhausted, but she was beautiful. She glowed in the early evening light, and Bobby thought for a moment that his heart might burst. He placed his book mark in his book, placed it on the side table, and walked to the bed. He sat slowly and carefully, slipped off his shoes, and stretched out next to Alex. He gently spread his fingers across her abdomen.

"I love you," he prayed. "I love you both so much." He drifted into sleep.

"Bobby, please wake up. It's time."

"Uh…What? Time for what?" Bobby sluggishly sat up.

"The baby," Alex said patiently. "The baby is coming."

"Baby. Oh…The baby." Bobby reached full wakefulness. He slipped his shoes on and grabbed Alex's bag. She was already calling Dr. Warren's service.

"She'll meet us at the hospital," Alex said. She winced as a contraction hit her.

Bobby was at her side immediately. "Alex? Are you all right?"

"Bobby. Don't panic. I'm fine. This is the way it goes."

They'd planned and practiced for this more times than Alex thought necessary, although she'd never said that to Bobby. He had at least a half dozen routes to the hospital in his head and the phone numbers of nearly as many taxis. They were in the car and on the road in a few minutes. All of his plans seemed to help Bobby maintain a remarkably calm demeanor.

"You sure we don't need the taxi?" he asked.

"Absolutely. We have plenty of time, and it's pretty comfortable back here."

They were almost to the hospital when Bobby asked her if she wanted to call anyone in her family.

"No," she said. "We keep to the plan and call after the baby's here. We don't want the horde swarming over us." She braced herself for another contraction. "At least," she said after she caught her breath. "He/she waited until we got married."

"Considerate," Bobby said as he turned into the hospital's parking area.

Four hours later, Bobby didn't think the child was so considerate. He clutched Alex's hand and tried not to wince when she squeezed it.

"Alex, baby, maybe," he said.

"No!" She shook her head. "No C-Section. No drugs. You know what Dr. Warren said. It could hurt the baby."

Bobby wiped the sweat from her face. "Alex, you don't have to suffer. Please."

Dr. Warren, unable to hide her worry, appeared. Bobby had lost track of how many times she'd been in to see and help Alex.

"Bobby," the doctor said. "I need to speak with you."

"Bobby!" Alex clutched his hand. "Don't go!"

"I'll bring him right back," Dr. Warren promised.

Alex reluctantly released his hand, and Dr. Warren guided him to the door.

"She's exhausted," the doctor said.

Bobby nodded, his eyes never leaving Alex.

"Her blood pressure is all over the place," Warren continued. "There are other problems. I'm not sure if the baby will deal with anesthesia well, but we may have to do a C-Section soon. If we don't, neither the baby nor Alex may make it."

Bobby couldn't move, couldn't think, couldn't breathe.

Dr. Warren watched Bobby's reaction. She was close to Alex Eames before one of her favorite patients became pregnant. She liked the father of her child when she first met him, and she came to be very fond of the quiet, gentle, devoted man even if he asked her the most difficult questions she'd ever received from an expectant father. She knew something of how desperately and deeply he loved Alex and this baby.

"I'm sorry, Bobby. I need to know soon."

Bobby nodded. "How soon?"

"We'll let her try again, but after that…"

They walked back to the bed. Bobby's heart broke. Sweat soaked her face, and she grimaced in pain. Bobby moved to her side and wrapped his arms around her.

"Alex, baby. Take my hand. Take my strength," he whispered in her ear. "You can do this."

"Bobby. Bobby. I can't," she choked.

He kissed her cheek. "You can. You're strong. The strongest person I know. And take all of my strength, Alex. Take it."

"You're doing much better, Alex," Dr. Warren said. "Push. Push harder."

Alex cried out, but pushed. She clutched Bobby's hand so tightly that tears formed in his eyes.

"Good, Alex, good. Just a little more," Warren said.

"I…I can't. I…I don't have anything left," Alex murmured.

"A little more, Alex," Bobby said. "Just a little more. I know you can do it."

Alex looked into his eyes, which were full of pain and love. She knew he would take her place if her could. She took a deep breath and pushed.

"Great, Alex, great!" Dr. Warren cried. "I can see the baby's head. One more push should do it."

"One more, Alex. One more. You can do it. I love you. I love you so much," Bobby whispered to her.

She pushed again, and everything went black.

"Alex. Alex. Baby. Please. Please stay with me." Bobby brushed her wet hair from her face.

She blinked and looked up at him. "Bobby. The baby…"

A wail sailed through the room.

"It's a boy," Dr. Warren beamed. "A beautiful boy. Do you want to cut the cord, Bobby?"

Bobby scarcely heard her. He couldn't take his eyes off Alex. "Are you all right?"

"Yes. Yes. The baby. I want the baby."

Bobby turned to see a nurse holding a small being smeared with red and screaming. He was the second most beautiful thing Bobby had ever seen. He numbly followed Dr. Warren's instructions and cut the umbilical cord. The nurse quickly washed and weighed the baby and wrapped him in a blanket before handing him to Alex.

"Mine," Alex declared as she seized the baby from the nurse. "My son." She looked up at Bobby, and her expression softened. "Our son."

Bobby stared at his family. The baby had stopped crying almost as soon as the nurse placed him in Alex's arms. In the midst of the delivery room's noise and activity, Bobby could only see his wife and son.

"C'mere, Bobby," Alex said warmly. "Come meet your son."

Bobby stepped towards her. "Please," he thought. "If this is a dream, never let me wake up." He stood by the bed, and Alex pulled back the blanket to reveal a tiny, puckered face crowned by dark curls. The baby opened his eyes, and Bobby stared into a pair of shining blue eyes. The eyes regarded Bobby gravely for a moment, smiled, yawned, and fell asleep. Bobby feared he might fall to his knees.

"Oh, Alex," he prayed. "He's beautiful."

Alex smiled in a glorious way Bobby had never seen. "I'm over my possessiveness," she said. "You can hold your son."

Bobby took the small bundle and held it as if it were the most precious and fragile treasure in the world. The baby stirred slightly, but didn't wake. The nurses and technicians went about their work. Several helped Alex clean up. Dr. Warren examined her and turned to Bobby.

"Well," the doctor said with great relief. "Both of them are fine. This little guy is more than fine. Alex just needs some rest. They'll be great."

"Thank you," Bobby managed to choke out.

It was several moments before Dr. Warren could say "You're welcome."

Bobby carefully returned the small bundle to Alex. She sleepily held the baby and smiled at Bobby, who perched in the chair next to the bed.

"I don't think I've ever been so tired," Alex said. "Or happy."

Bobby leaned forward and placed his left hand over her right.

"Bobby, he can almost fit in one of your hands." Alex yawned.

"You get some sleep," Bobby said softly. "I'll make sure he's ok. And I'll call your family."

"You get some rest too," Alex said. "You've been through almost as much as me."

"I don't think so," Bobby said. He kissed her forehead. "I love you."

"I love you too," Alex murmured.

A smiling nurse carefully placed the baby in a crib by Alex's bed. Bobby left the room to call Alex's father, who answered before the phone rang a second time.

"She's fine. The baby's fine. It's a boy," Bobby said shakily.

He heard Mr. Eames let out a breath.

"Oh, Bobby," Mr. Eames said. "I can't tell you how happy I am."

"He…He's so beautiful. Almost as beautiful as Alex," Bobby said.

Mr. Eames chuckled. "I'll let you get back to your family, son. Thank you for calling me. If it's all right, Alex's mom and I will come by later today."

"Today? Oh, that's right." Bobby realized it was early in the morning. "I'm sorry, Sir. I didn't realize what time…"

"Don't worry, son. I'll let the rest of the family know. You get back and watch my grandson."

"Yes, sir. Thank you."

Bobby returned to the room. The nurse smiled at him as she left. Bobby moved to the bedside as quietly as he could. Alex lay on her side, one of her hands resting on the baby's head. The baby also slept, the long fingers of his right hand peeking out from beneath the blue blanket. Bobby pulled a chair as close as he could to the bed and crib. He placed his hand over Alex's hand that rested on their child.

"A family," Bobby thought. "I have a family."

END CHAPTER FIVE


	6. Chapter 6

Well, I keep returning to this. Warning-fluffy.

CHAPTER SIX

Bobby woke with a start and groaned as his muscles protested the sudden move. For a moment, he didn't know where he was or why. He felt warmth beneath his left hand and in the dim light he saw his hand rested over Alex's hand that rested on their son. Alex stirred, and Bobby carefully lifted his hand. Alex turned, lifting her hand from the baby. She blinked and winced.

"I'm sorry if I woke you," Bobby said softly. He reached for the call button. "Are you in a lot of pain?"

"A…A little," Alex admitted. She shifted carefully and looked into the crib. "How is he?"

Bobby pushed the call button. "He's perfect."

They smiled at each other.

"I called your Dad," Bobby said. "He said he and your Mom would come by later if you felt up to it."

"Oh," Alex said. "I hope they don't bring the horde with them."

The nurse arrived before Bobby could respond. She convinced Alex to take a mild painkiller and helped her get more comfortable. Alex soon lay sleepily against her pillows.

"Could I hold him?" Bobby asked shyly.

"Of course," the nurse smiled. The parents in this room had quickly become favorites of the nurses, especially the large, gentle father. The nurse carefully picked up the baby and handed him to Bobby.

"Thank you," Bobby said warmly, and immediately forgot the nurse as he became lost in his son.

"I'll be back in a few minutes to check on all of you," the nurse said as she left.

Alex smiled. "We've got to name him. We can't keep referring to him as "it"."

Bobby carefully sat next to the bad. "You sure you're awake enough? I might try to slip a name by you."

"You've tried that before. I've told you I'll accept Lewis as a middle name, but not a first," Alex said firmly.

"I told you I'd be more than happy to name him after your father, that is, if he was a boy. Which he is." Bobby shook his head. "That didn't make sense even to me."

"And I told you I'd agree to that in a heartbeat if there weren't already so many Johns and Seans in my family." Alex thought for a moment. "James. Why haven't we thought of James?"

"James," Bobby repeated.

"Believe or not, we don't have any," Alex said. "And it could be after Captain Deakins."

Bobby nodded and looked at his son. "James Lewis Goren. How do you like that, little man?"

Alex yawned. "Deakins would love it. It won't upset anyone in my family. He could be called Jim, Jimmy, Jamie. It's a good name."

"It is," Bobby said. "James."

The baby opened his eyes, gravely regarded his father, and went back to sleep.

"He seems to like it," Bobby said.

"I think we just named our child. After everything," Alex said.

"You sure you didn't plan this?" Bobby asked.

"Nope. I swear. I'm as surprised as you are."

"Well, James Lewis Goren," Bobby said as he handed the baby to Alex. "Your parents managed to get married and get you named. Not too shabby."

"Who should we call?" Alex asked. "Major Case?"

"I bet everyone there already knows if your family's grapevine is as good as I think it is," Bobby said. "But I'll call later. And Deakins. Let him know he has a namesake."

Alex yawned again. "I'm sorry. I don't have a lot of energy."

"Considering what you just did, I'm not surprised. Thank you, Alex. Thank you."

She smiled. "You're welcome." She looked down at James. "And thank you."

She drifted to join the baby in sleep. Bobby looked from Alex to James and back again and tried to deal with the emotions flooding through him.

"This wasn't supposed to happen to me," he thought. "A son. A wife. People who love me. Need me. That I love. That I need." A great lump formed in his chest. Bobby couldn't recognize what he felt. "Is this what other people feel?" he thought. He carefully, gently lifted James from his mother's arms and placed the baby in the crib. He made sure the baby was safe before he turned to Alex and pulled the blankets over her. He brushed his lips across her forehead and tenderly touched James on the head. He leaned back in his chair and fell asleep.

The smell of coffee and the gurgles of a baby woke Bobby, who was surprised to find a blanket over him. He yawned, blinked, and stretched. Alex smiled at him. She held James in her arms. A nurse stood next to her bed.

"I've brought some coffee for you, Mr. Goren," the nurse said. "With caffeine."

"Thank you," Bobby said in a voice husky with sleep.

"I need to stay away from the high octane stuff," Alex said. "As long as I'm nursing."

"Which she's going to start now," the nurse said.

Bobby, his coffee forgotten, sat up. "Do you mind if I…"

"Of course you can stay," Alex said.

Bobby tried to hide his anxiety as the nurse helped Alex. He knew Alex worried about whether she could nurse the baby. He knew that this caused her great emotional and physical pain when she gave birth to her nephew Nate. Numbers danced in Bobby's head as he added and subtracted the importance of nursing for the mother and child bond, how babies who nursed performed better on academic tests and were better adjusted emotionally, how nursing could be the first step to good development.

"He's hungry," the nurse said approvingly, and Bobby looked to see James hungrily sucking at Alex's breast. Alex looked at their son with an expression that Bobby couldn't find any word to describe. Bobby nearly fainted, and he fell back into his chair.

"It looks like everyone knows what they're doing here," the nurse said.

"Except for me," Bobby thought.

"I'll be back very soon to check on you," the nurse said. "Call me if you have any problems."

Even with her attention focused on James, Alex sensed Bobby's unease. "Here," she said gently. "Put your hand behind his head...Help support him…"

Bobby moved and placed his left hand under his son's head. The baby was tiny in his father's hands, and his dark curls downy soft.

"He has so much hair," Bobby wondered.

"I think that might be those Italian genes of yours," Alex said. "Nate didn't have any hair at all at first, and when it first came in it was white."

Bobby held his son very carefully. "I'm so afraid of hurting him," he confessed.

"You won't," Alex declared. "Babies are tougher than people think. Especially Eames babies. And you love him."

"I may have given him more than just curly hair."

Alex's hand came to rest behind Bobby's on the baby's head. "We've talked about that," she said. "We know the odds. They might be a little higher for some bad stuff, but not that much. I know how to be a good parent from my family. You know what not to do to be a good father."

Bobby leaned forward so that their foreheads touched. "I love you. Very much."

"I know. I love you very much. Hey, I think he's asleep."

"Yea. What do we do now?"

Alex smiled. "I think we put him back in his crib. Think you can do that?"

With great care Bobby returned the small bundle to the crib. The baby didn't stir, but slept calmly.

"I know," Bobby said. "It's gas or the digestion or something, but he sure looks like he's smiling."

"My Mom always said that's because babies are talking with the angels."

"Maybe he's speaking with St. Michael."

"With two cops as parents, that'd be the guy." Alex yawned and winced.

Bobby's attention immediately went to her. "You ok?"

"Yea. But I'm in trouble if just nursing is going to wipe me out." She leaned carefully back against the pillows.

There was a soft knock at the door, and the nurse entered with a tray. "Breakfast for the mom," she said cheerfully. "And coffee. And you'll be glad to know Dr. Warren will be by soon."

Dr. Warren appeared shortly after Alex finished her breakfast. She carefully examined mother and baby, who woke up just long enough to favor the doctor with a careful look. Warren pronounced both in excellent condition and approved of the baby's name, but told Alex and Bobby she wanted to keep mother and son in the hospital for one more night.

"I want to make sure your blood pressure is settled," Warren said. "You gave us a scare. And James isn't going anywhere without you for a while. As for the father." She turned to Bobby. "You need to get some food and some real sleep that's not in a chair."

Bobby looked at Alex and James. "I can't, you can't ask me…"

"I'll get a cot in here for you. But you've got to get some food."

Warren left, but a long line of nurses and technicians followed her. Then the Eames family came. First her parents, bearing flowers, toys, and good wishes. Mrs. Eames hugged Bobby so tightly that the younger man feared he might faint. Mr. Eames pumped his hand so vigorously that Bobby feared his arm might break. Her brothers and sisters followed her parents, and through it all Alex held court like a queen. James received his tributes like a prince. Bobby shook hands and returned hugs and felt increasingly overwhelmed.

Mary was the last of the Eames children to appear. "Lexie," she said. "I'm so happy for you. Nate can't wait to meet his new cousin."

"Where are Nate and Steve?" Alex asked.

"Waiting room down the hall. Nate thinks the rule that he's too young to go to your room is stupid."

"I agree with him," Alex laughed. "Bobby. Hand me the baby and help me in the wheelchair. Let's get out of here."

Bobby looked uncertain.

"It's all right," Alex said. "A couple of the nurses suggested it might be good for all of us to get out of here."

"All right," Bobby said. "But we come back if you get tired."

Mary watched admiringly as Bobby eased Alex into the wheelchair and handed James to his mother. He brushed his lips across the baby's head and repeated the gesture with Alex.

"Alex's right," Mary thought. "Bobby may be an odd duck, but he's a good man. A very good man. And if ever a man loved a woman and child…"

Bobby carefully pushed the chair down the hall. Mary went ahead to the waiting room. "I'll try to get Nate close to calm," she said.

"I don't think he's cried much," Alex commented as they moved down the hall. "He fussed a little when he got hungry, but nothing major."

Bobby looked over Alex's shoulder at the tiny face. "He seems to be studying everything."

"You don't recognize that look?"

"No."

"It's yours." Alex smiled.

Bobby stopped the chair in front of the waiting room door. "What do you mean?"

"You always look like that when you're trying to figure something out. When you're studying something. Which is a lot of the time," Alex said.

Bobby regarded his son, who seemed to return his father's gaze with a mix of interest and acceptance.

"But," Bobby said. "That's not something that's genetic. And he's not even a day old."

Alex laughed. "Don't try to figure it out, Bobby. Just accept that he looks like you. C'mon. Let's let James and Nate meet."

"Aunt Alex!" Nate's joyful cry welcomed them as they entered the waiting room, and for a moment Alex and Bobby were afraid James might finally cry. But the baby blinked and looked up at his cousin with the same expression he'd given everything in his first few hours of life.

"Nate," his father said firmly and gently. "Remember what I told you. This is a tiny baby. You don't want to scare him."

"Oh. I'm sorry."

"That's all right," Alex said warmly. "Here. Come and meet your cousin James."

Nate stepped closer to Alex and carefully examined the baby. James briefly and solemnly regarded his cousin, yawned, and fell asleep.

"He's cute," Nate said. "But is that all he does?"

"Newborn babies sleep a lot," Bobby said. "But inside they're growing really fast. His brain cells are multiplying at an incredible speed. In about six months, he should be able to play a little with you. In about a year, he might be able to play a little catch with you, if you're careful and patient. I'm counting on you to help teach him how to play baseball."

"I will. We have a present for him." Nate rushed to the chair next to his father and returned carrying a tiny baseball mitt and a soft, puffy baseball. He handed them to Bobby.

Bobby knelt on one knee to accept the gift. "Oh, this is terrific, Nate. We can play catch as soon as he's ready. And you know what? This is his first present."

Nate beamed. Few things made him happier than pleasing his Uncle Bobby. "Oh," the boy said. "We have something for Aunt Alex too." He turned and walked back to his father, who lifted a bouquet of flowers from a bag next to his chair. Alex handed James to Bobby and took the flowers from Nate.

"Thank you," she said. "They're beautiful."

Bobby was stricken with shame. "My wife gave birth twenty four hours ago," he thought. "And I haven't given her anything. How can I take care of a baby, if I can't even remember to get a few flowers for his mother?"

"Uncle Bobby."

Bobby looked down at Nate.

"Daddy has a bunch of cigars. He says that's what guys do when they have babies. He said I didn't have to smoke them. I'm glad about that. I don't like cigars."

"That's probably a very good thing," Bobby said. "Here. You want to hold James?"

Nate's eyes grew wide. "Really?"

Bobby glanced at Alex, who nodded her agreement.

"Yea. Put one hand behind his head like this. Let his body rest in the curl of your other arm."

Nate carefully followed Bobby's instructions. He beamed at his parents and aunt and uncle. "I'm going to be a great cousin."

"I'd say you already are," Bobby said.

They finally said goodbye after Nate told the sleeping baby all of the things they'd do together once James was old enough.

"Do you think he heard me?" Nate asked as he handed James back to Alex.

"Maybe," Bobby said. "Babies learn new things all of the time. It may not be hearing like we hear, but who knows?"

Bobby carefully wheeled Alex and the baby back to their room. In addition to James, Alex balanced their gifts.

"You ok there?" Bobby asked.

"Yea. I'm a little tired. I might need a little break from visitors, but nothing seems to bother this little guy."

Bobby wheeled the chair into the room, carefully placed James in his crib, and helped Alex into bed.

"I'll put the flowers in something," he said.

"This cup should work," Alex said. "What's wrong?" she asked when Bobby didn't immediately respond.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I should've gotten you something. Pretty poor excuse for a husband."

"Bobby. You've been with me and the baby all the time. When did you have a chance to get flowers or anything like that? I'd much rather have you than flowers any day, but particularly now."

Bobby rubbed the back of his neck.

"Don't do this to yourself. You've been good and patient and kind."

"It just seems I could've remembered to get you something."

"You want to do something for me?"

His eyes lit up. "Oh, yes."

Alex smiled. The best way to get Bobby Goren out of a funk was to get him to do something for someone else, especially someone he loved.

"Get me some chocolate."

"Of course." He hesitated at the door. "You'll be ok?"

"I promise." Alex placed her hand over her heart. "And there's another thing you can do."

"Anything."

"Get yourself something to eat. I don't want you to collapse. Somebody has to get James and me out of here."

"Why do I think the chocolate is just an excuse?" He smiled at her; his guilt attack was largely over.

"A little, maybe. But I'd really like some chocolate. Dark, rich."

Bobby bowed. "Your wish is my command."

He made his way to the hospital's gift shop. He didn't want to leave Alex and James any longer than he had to, and he hoped he wouldn't have to leave the building. And, after all, surely other new mothers had cravings. He found a small, overpriced box of dark chocolate that appeared to be capable of filling Alex's cravings for a while. He bought the chocolates and a small, blue stuffed cat that caught his eye. He considered immediately returning to Alex's room, but he knew she'd know he hadn't kept his promise to eat something. He went to the cafeteria and ate a sandwich that might have been turkey or ham. In spite of his hurry, he found himself falling into his habit of studying people. He thought he recognized the dazed, confused, and happy expression of men in his position of new fatherhood. All of them seemed to be at least ten years younger than Bobby.

"Oh, God," Bobby thought. "What the hell do I think I'm doing?"

Before he left the cafeteria, he checked his cell phone for messages. There was one from Lewis, gleefully and goofily congratulating Bobby and Alex and expressing pleasure that his name would be the baby's middle one. There was a delighted one from Zach Nichols, promising to visit them after they returned home and lauding Bobby and Alex's suitability as parents. And there was one from Mike Logan with a threat to bring every stuffed animal he could find.

"Don't worry," Logan said. "I can't think of anyone who could be a better father."

Bobby shut his phone and sighed. "I wish I thought that."

He was at the door to Alex's room when he heard a familiar voice. He opened the door to discover James Deakins standing next to the bed. He held James with the quiet confidence of an experienced father.

"Hey, Bobby," Alex said warmly. "Jimmy here is very pleased with the name we've given our son."

Bobby smiled and nodded at his former captain as he walked to Alex. He kissed her on the forehead and handed the chocolates to her. "You ok?"

"I am, and these will make me feel even better. That for James?" She pointed to the small cat.

"Yes. Good to see you, Sir."

"Did you get something to eat?" Alex asked.

Bobby nodded.

"Don't tell me," Deakins said. "With all this going on, you forgot to eat?"

Bobby stared at his feet. Alex smiled.

"Good to know some things don't change," Deakins said. "I can't remember how many times I had to tell you to get some food. Or sleep."

"He's been taking very good care of James and me," Alex said.

"He's a beautiful boy," Deakins said. He moved gently from side to side to keep the baby happy. "But then the two of you always worked well together."

"You don't mind, Sir? Us naming him James?" Bobby asked.

Deakins looked steadily at Bobby. "Bobby. You couldn't have honored me more. Thank you."

Bobby's vision grew blurry and he couldn't trust his voice.

"Hey," Alex said gently. "I thought the new mother was supposed to be the emotional one. Not the big, strong guys."

James yawned and stretched as much as his blanket allowed and regarded Deakins with the same expression he'd given everyone.

"Good Lord, Bobby," Deakins said. "He looks just like you when he does that."

"That's what I told him," Alex said.

"It's amazing," Deakins said. "I think this fellow may want his mom." He carefully handed the baby to Alex.

"Yea. Looks like he's hungry."

"I'll leave you alone then," Deakins said. "As soon as you all feel up to it, Angie and I want you to come to dinner. She'd love to see you all, but especially this little guy."

"If it's all right," Bobby said. "I'll walk you downstairs. I'd like to get some more coffee. If that's ok, Alex."

"It'll be fine. James and I will do some more bonding."

Before he followed his former captain out the door, Bobby turned and looked at his family.

"They won't disappear," Deakins said gently as they walked down the hall.

Bobby started slightly. He wasn't used to other people reading his mind as well as he did theirs.

"I know that feeling," Deakins continued as they entered the elevator. "Happened with all three of my girls. I'd want to memorize what they and Angie looked like every time I left them. And I was so happy when I came back and they were still there."

Bobby leaned against the elevator's back wall. "I…I don't know if I can do this," he confessed.

"You can," Deakins said. "I've always thought it was, well, not a tragedy, but certainly a misfortune that you weren't a father since you looked like you'd make such a good one."

Bobby stood silently until they reached the first floor. He followed Deakins to the entrance.

"Thank you, Sir. For coming. For what you said. Thank you." He reached to shake Deakins' hand. The older man pulled him into an embrace.

"Your son already has a huge advantage," Deakins said. "He has you and Alex for parents. That's a great thing."

Deakins released Bobby and walked out of the hospital. Bobby stood for a moment.

"Maybe," he thought. "Maybe I can do this."

END CHAPTER SIX


	7. Chapter 7

Sorry for the delay in updating!

CHAPTER SEVEN

"I wore him out."

"I guess you did, Nate. But that's a good thing." Alex smiled at her nephew. "Jimmy usually does the wearing out."

Nate smiled at his sleeping cousin. "He's a cool kid. I like being with him."

"He likes being with you too. You're very patient and good with him." Alex picked up her limp son. "Oh, he's dead weight."

"You want me to get Uncle Bobby to help you?"

"Yea. Thanks, Nate."

Alex smiled as she watched Nate walk away. Nate had been a beautiful baby, a cute toddler, and was becoming a handsome kid. He'd inherited his father's height and slender build, but his blonde hair and green eyes came from his mother's family. Alex couldn't help but think that his quiet manners and study of people and things came from his frequent exposure to his Uncle Bobby. Nate was a great part of Bobby and Jimmy and her lives. They wanted and like this as much as Nate's mom and dad did. Alex expected that in a year or so Nate would be added to the long list of Eames family members willing to babysit Jimmy. Jimmy was the youngest of the Eames grandchildren, and he was also a funny, smart, well behaved kid—and not only Alex and Bobby thought this—and everyone loved to be with him.

Nate and Bobby appeared.

"I hear Jimmy conked out." Bobby smiled at his wife and son.

"Yea." Alex carefully handed Jimmy to his father.

"Thanks, Nate," Bobby said. "For playing with and keeping an eye on him."

Nate smiled. "I'm happy to do it. Can I help you with all of this stuff?"

Alex and Bobby were grateful for the help. There was always a lot of stuff to carry with Jimmy, and his Christmas presents added greatly to its size. As the youngest grandchild, and with no great grandchildren on the scene yet, he received a lot of gifts. He was at an age when he could fully understand and appreciate Santa Claus, and was particularly interested in the reindeer, especially after Bobby read him a book about the reindeer year and took him to see the animals at the zoo. This interest explained several of the reindeer related items among his presents, including a giant stuffed Rudolph that Alex thought must be nearly the size of the original. She worried about Jimmy being spoiled, but it was impossible to convince her siblings and parents to ease up on the presents. Her husband acknowledged the dangers of spoiling Jimmy, but Bobby also admitted that he desperately wanted his son to have the childhood Bobby hadn't, which made it hard for his father to deny the boy anything. But Bobby taught Jimmy, as much as by his actions as his words, how to share and be kind, and Jimmy was an exceptionally generous and thoughtful kid. This wasn't just Alex's opinion or her family's. It was the opinion of their neighbors, all the teachers at Jimmy's preschool, the parents of all the kids at the preschool, and all of the kids at the preschool. The only complaint Alex ever heard about her son was that he asked questions about everything. Alex admitted there were moments when Jimmy's questions were too much for her, but never for Bobby. He was infinitely patient with his son and answered all of his questions calmly and matter of factly. This occasionally worried Alex, but Bobby responded, "If he's old enough to ask a question about something, he's old enough to get an answer."

It took some time for them to run the Eames family gauntlet to say goodbye. Through it all, Jimmy clung to his father and stayed asleep.

"That boy," Alex's father said to her. "Sure loves his Dad. But his Dad really loves him. And his mother."

"And his grandparents," Alex said warmly. "Dad, are you and Mom sure about taking him for New Year's Eve? Bobby and I are very grateful, but you and Mom have other plans…"

"Nate is staying with us that night too," her father smiled. "Our plans are to have a glass of champagne at midnight, play Uno, maybe teach Nate and Jimmy how to play poker and fall asleep about ten minutes after that champagne."

"All right. Thanks, Dad. For everything." Alex hugged her father and followed Bobby out to the car.

They carefully placed Jimmy in his car seat and stacked his presents in the trunk.

"I have a dream," Bobby said. "That one day we'll leave one of your family's get togethers wil less stuff than we brought."

"Not gonna happen," Alex laughed. "Especially at Christmas."

"Ok if I sit in the back with Jimmy?"

Alex smiled. Bobby loved to spend time with his son, even if only to sit by him when the boy was asleep. As Bobby scrunched into the seat next to Jimmy, Alex remembered the night they came home from the hospital. They carefully placed the baby in the crib next to their bed. Jimmy carefully scrutinized his surroundings and his parents, yawned, and closed his eyes.

"I think we have a few minutes," Bobby said softly. "If you want to take a bath or something."

"Something?" Alex smiled. "Not quite ready for that. But a bath…"

"Hang on." Bobby brushed his lips across her head.

He fixed her a warm bath, helped her into it, and gently washed her body. When she was finished, he helped her out of the tub and wrapped her in the warmest, softest towel he could find. He helped her slip on one of his oldest T-shirts and lifted and carried her to bed. Alex looked over at her son, who slept peacefully in his crib just at her side of the bed. Bobby slipped into the bed next to her and leaned over her shoulder.

"He's beautiful, Alex. So beautiful. Just like his mother." Bobby kissed her neck, and Alex leaned back into his arms. His "I love you" was the last thing she heard as she fell asleep.

She woke a few hours later and realized Bobby's warm, comforting bulk wasn't beside her. She turned to look in the crib, and briefly panicked when she didn't see the baby. But then she recognized that Bobby walked back and forth at the foot of the bed. He cradled the baby in his big, strong arms. She could just hear his voice.

"You are loved," Bobby whispered to his son. "You are wanted. You are loved. Never forget that. I will be the best father I can be. I don't know how good I can be. But I love you. I want you here."

Alex pushed her face into her pillow to muffle her cries.

"Alex? Are you ok?" She felt Bobby's hand on her shoulder.

"I'm fine," she said. She wiped her eyes and hoped Bobby wouldn't notice in the dark.

"I think he's hungry," Bobby said. "He fussed a little and woke me up. I got him to settle for a while, but I think he wants something to eat."

Alex turned on the light on the table next to the bed. She smiled at her husband and son. She lifted the large T-shirt she wore; she had no fear or shame in front of Bobby.

"Let me have him," she said.

Bobby carefully handed the baby to Alex and sat on the bed. "I'm glad," he said as he gently rested a hand on Alex's shoulder. "That this is going so well."

"Me too," Alex said as she cradled Jimmy.

"I wish…I wish I could do something to help you."

"You can…Here…Put your hand under his head. You can help me hold him."

Bobby's arms wrapped around Alex and Jimmy. He rested his head lightly on her shoulders, and she felt his warm breath on her neck. This happened every night until Alex stopped nursing Jimmy. After that, Bobby always took Jimmy to bed. He read and told stories to the boy, and the two of them engaged in long, detailed question and answer sessions. If Bobby wasn't at home at Jimmy's bedtime—a rare occasion because of Bobby's devotion to Jimmy and Alex—the father faithfully called. For his part, Jimmy adored his father.

Alex glanced at the back seat. Bobby leaned protectively over his son, one arm looped over the sleeping boy.

"Where are we going to put all this stuff?" Alex asked.

"Maybe we should give Jimmy the master bedroom," Bobby smiled.

"You know his room is already bigger than ours?"

"Yea," Bobby admitted. "But it's two small rooms."

"Hey, you're the one who convinced that a combined nursey/bedroom would work. I told you we'd never get the extra space back." Alex smiled. "I hope Jimmy knows how lucky he is. I had to share a tiny bedroom with my sister until she left for college."

Bobby was silent.

"I forget sometimes," Alex said gently. "That your childhood can beat almost everyone's when it comes to bad stories."

"You shouldn't have to worry about everything you say," Bobby said. "It's just…I have these moments."

"Yea. It's ok."

"I know." Bobby leaned forward. "It's one of the many reasons why I love you."

Alex's grip on the steering wheel tightened. "Think Jimmy will stay asleep for while after we get home?"

"I think so. He's pretty worn out."

"Think we could wear each other out?"

Bobby leaned forward so that his mouth was just behind Alex's head. "Oh, I think we could do that."

They moved quickly and silently when they got home. Jimmy was sleeping peacefully in his crib, and his presents stacked in the front hall—Bobby and Alex reasoned they could deal with them later—within a few minutes. Jimmy stirred briefly, and his parents held their breaths. But the boy returned to a deep sleep, and Alex and Bobby rushed to their bedroom.

"Oh, God, Alex," Bobby murmured as they kissed and embraced. "You still drive me crazy. I love you so much."

"You do the same thing to me," Alex responded. It was the last coherent thought she had for several wonderful moments.

Bobby lay on his back; Alex nested on his chest. He offered a silent prayer of thanksgiving to whatever good and benevolent power had brought him to this time and place. He remembered the first time Alex and he had made love after Jimmy's birth. They'd fumbled and stumbled like a couple of teenagers, and every sound distracted them. When they thought they heard a cry from the nursery, they fell over each other and lay naked and tangled on the floor. They finally managed to check on Jimmy, who was perfectly fine. They struggled to keep from laughing until they returned to their own room, where they fell giggling into each other's arms. As Jimmy grew, Bobby became even more grateful to Alex's family and their eagerness to watch Jimmy.

"Hey," Alex's brother Brian told Bobby. "As much as you love your kids, every once in a while you some time with your wife."

Alex and Bobby entered Eames family legends when the afternoon they dropped a three-year-old Jimmy with his grandparents. They never made it to the restaurant or the movie. When Alex's father called them about midnight, Alex and Bobby were in bed and blissfully unaware some eight hours had passed. Bobby spent the next six months turning bright red whenever he encountered any member of the Eames family, but Alex brushed off all efforts to tease her.

"You just wish you had someone you wanted to spend so much time in bed with," she said.

Alex stirred and gently nuzzled Bobby's throat. He responded with a soft growl in his throat and by holding her tighter. His heart leaped. He'd finally stopped wondering why Alex was with him and expecting to wake up with her gone, but songs of praise still rang through his mind when he held her.

"Hm," Alex murmured. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas to you," Bobby answered. "Love you."

"Love you."

They drifted to sleep.

Jimmy woke up first the next morning, or at least he was the first to be awakened by Buster, the large, black cat who'd been a tiny, scrawny lost kitten when Bobby and Jimmy convinced Alex to let the creature in their lives. The cat was a constant and equal source of entertainment and anxiety, but he and Jimmy adored each other. And Jimmy took great care of the cat, even helping to clean his litter box. This morning, Buster snuck into Jimmy's room and woke the boy by gently but firmly placing a large paw on his nose. The boy and cat played happily for several minutes until Jimmy headed into the bathroom. Dodging Buster's attacks, Jimmy brushed his teeth and washed his face, and ran a comb through his hair. He considered knocking on his parents' door, but decided a few more minutes playing with Buster and his new toys would be fun. Jimmy loved his cousins and aunts and uncles and grandparents and especially his parents, and he had many friends. But there were times when he liked to be alone to study and think. Not everyone understood this, but his father did. Jimmy knew that his father had moments when he needed to be alone to study and think, and he and his mother knew to give his father some time. Sometimes it wasn't a matter of leaving his father alone, but just being quiet around him. Jimmy frequently played quietly or looked at books (he could even read a few) in his father's office. He was happy to oblige his father's request to be quiet. He got to spend time with his father, and his father always rewarded Jimmy's patience with a wild play session.

Jimmy padded into the kitchen. He was mildly hungry, but decided to wait for his parents to get up to make breakfast. He might get his father's pancakes or his mother's garbage eggs. He opened the fridge and pulled out the orange juice. He finished a glass of juice, rinsed out the glass, and placed in the sink. He walked into the hallway where he found his presents. Aside from a few sniffs during the night to determine if any of the packages were a threat or edible, Buster had paid little attention to them, but now that Jimmy was interested in them, so was the cat. Jimmy laughed as her wrestled with the cat as he looked through the packages. He found the remote controlled car his grandparents had given him and started to run it through the hall and kitchen. Buster chased after it.

Jimmy's laughter woke Alex. "He's fine," she thought. "That cat and him are up to something." She carefully untangled her body from Bobby's. She managed to get up without waking him up. She smiled down at Bobby and moved to the bathroom. She returned to the bedroom, checked on Bobby, and slipped on a pair of pajama pants and a sweatshirt. She listened to Jimmy's laughter as she walked down the stairs. She walked into the kitchen to find the boy gently pulling his car from the black cat.

"Good morning, Jimmy," Alex said warmly. "Having fun with your new presents?"

"Hi, Mommy!" Jimmy rushed to his mother and hugged her. "I like the car. So does Buster."

Alex returned Jimmy's hug and smiled at the cat as he batted at the car. She hadn't been certain Jimmy was ready to take care of a pet when the wet, bedraggled kitten showed up at their back door a little over a year ago, but Jimmy and Bobby's enthusiasm wore her out. She was amused that she was clearly the cat's third favorite in the household, but thanks to Jimmy and Bobby, Alex rarely dealt with Buster. On the rare occasion that Jimmy or Bobby wasn't available, the cat was perfectly happy to accept Alex's presence.

Buster abandoned the car and regally walked towards Alex and Jimmy. Alex bent and scratched his ears. "Hey, silly cat."

"Is Daddy awake, Mommy?" Jimmy asked.

"Not yet. But Daddy had a very busy day yesterday." And night, Alex thought.

"I haven't had breakfast. I just drank some juice. I wanted to wait for you and Daddy."

"That was very good of you, Jimmy," Alex said. "Tell you what. We'll make some garbage eggs."

"I can help?" Jimmy asked eagerly.

"Yes. And you." Alex looked at Buster. "Can stay out of the way."

Jimmy was an accomplished assistant in the kitchen. As the eggs neared completion, Alex sent him up to check on his father. The boy rushed up the stairs. "Remember to knock," Alex called, and he stopped in front of the door to his parents' room.

Bobby groggily became aware Alex wasn't in bed with him. He dimly heard Alex's voice, and rolled over and pulled his boxers from the pile of clothes next to the bed. He slipped them on just before Jimmy knocked on the door.

"Daddy! Can I come in?"

Bobby pulled a T-shirt over his head. "Sure, kiddo."

Jimmy rushed in the room and jumped on the bed. "Daddy!" he shouted. Buster scrambled behind him. Within two minutes, Bobby lay flat on his back with his son and the cat sitting triumphantly on top of him.

"You win," Bobby gasped. "But it took two of you."

"Buster and I are a great team!" Jimmy declared.

"You are," Bobby said. "Not that I've surrendered, can I go to the bathroom?"

"Yes," Jimmy said. "But hurry. Mommy's almost done with the eggs."

Several minutes later, the Goren family sat happily in the kitchen. Jimmy snuck eggs to Buster. "Not too many," Bobby warned his son. "Don't want him to get sick."

"I wish," Alex said. "The two of you would stop spoiling that cat."

"But Mommy," Jimmy said. "You give him treats all the time."

Buster looked gravely at Alex, and Bobby tried not to smile.

"Maybe." Alex tried to keep some firmness in her voice. "But those are for his teeth."

"Did you have a good time yesterday, kiddo?" Bobby asked.

"I had a great time! But I always have a great time with Grandpa and Grandma and Nate and everyone. Even without presents."

"They like you too," Alex said.

Jimmy smiled, but grew thoughtful. Alex thought he looked very much like his father when he considered something. Jimmy moved the eggs around on his plate. He looked up at his father.

"Daddy."

All of Bobby's attention focused on his son. "Yes, Jimmy."

"Why don't we ever see anyone from your family?"

END CHAPTER SEVEN


	8. Chapter 8

At last, the end.

CHAPTER EIGHT

Silence descended on the kitchen. Bobby couldn't hide his feelings, and they frightened his son. Alex's heart broke for both her husband and son, but she recovered.

"Remember, Jimmy," she said gently. "I told you that Daddy's Mommy and Daddy and brother died a long time before you were born."

Bobby stared at his plate.

"Please, Jimmy," Alex thought. "Please don't push it."

Alex and Bobby had discussed how they'd handle difficult questions like this. Alex believed in honesty, but also discretion. Bobby favored complete honesty, but acknowledged the validity of Alex's stance.

"But," he said. "I was lied to so much when I was a kid. Sometimes I think my whole life was based on lies. Whenever I allowed myself to think I could be a father…When you were pregnant…I swore I'd never lie to any child of mine."

"That's a hard promise to keep," Alex said softly. "Total honesty is hard with kids."

Jimmy had asked Alex why he didn't have a Grandma or Grandpa Goren. Her answer satisfied the boy at that time, but he did think for several minutes. "That must make Daddy very sad," Jimmy said. When Alex told Bobby about the exchange later that day, Bobby sat quietly for several minutes.

"He was ok with what you said?" Bobby asked.

"Yea."

"And he was worried about me being sad?"

"Yea."

Bobby shook his head. "He's a remarkable kid."

"He's your son," Alex said.

But that was another time, one where Bobby didn't have to deal directly with Jimmy.

"Why," the boy asked. "Why don't I have any cousins with your family?"

Alex started to speak, but Bobby caught her eye.

"You do have some cousins." Bobby spoke deliberately and carefully. "They live in Minnesota, which is far away. We visited them a couple of times when you were very little. You probably don't remember, but I can show you some pictures. We're due for another visit. If you bring me your map of the United States, I can show you where they live."

Jimmy brightened and jumped from his chair. "I'm sorry," he said gravely. "I forgot. May I be excused?"

"Of course," Alex smiled. "Especially since you're being so polite."

Jimmy scrambled away. Bobby rubbed the back of his neck.

"Thank you," Bobby said.

"I guess we're going to Minnesota when the weather gets warmer," Alex said calmly.

"He's a bright kid. He's going to want to know what happened. To his uncle. To his grandma. To his grandpa. Which grandpa? What do I tell him? That his uncle was a manipulative drug addict who wasted everything? That his biological grandfather was a serial killer? That his other grandfather was a gambler and a drunk and a cheat? That his grandmother was a crazy woman who spent most of her life in a mental hospital? That his father kept her there?"

Alex moved closer to Bobby as he spoke. She placed her hands on his shoulders. "He'll know that his father is a good man."

Bobby turned and wrapped his arms around Alex. "At least," he mumbled. "He has his mother's family."

Jimmy, carefully holding the unfolded map, walked into the kitchen. He saw his parents and hesitated.

"It's ok, Jimmy," Bobby said when he saw his son. He released Alex. "Mommy and I were just talking."

"I'm sorry if I said something to upset you," Jimmy said.

"You didn't," Bobby said. "It's just that my family wasn't as well put together as Mommy's. Sometimes that makes me sad. But that's not your fault. And you should never be afraid to ask me anything about my family. Or anything. Ok?"

"Ok." Jimmy looked up at his father. "Mommy said your Mommy was very sick. What did she die from?"

"She died from an illness called lymphoma," Bobby replied evenly. Someday he might have to explain schizophrenia to his son, but this wasn't the day.

"Is she buried near here? Or was she—what is it when you get burned up?"

"Cremated," Bobby said. "Your Grandma was buried, and the cemetery isn't far from here. I visit her grave sometimes. You can come with me next time if you want to."

"I think I'd like that," Jimmy said gravely. "Is it a sad place?"

"Not as sad as you might think," Bobby answered. "There's lots of flowers."

"Why do we visit graves? And put flowers and stuff on them?" Jimmy asked.

"A good question. I think it helps us remember people. And honor them."

Jimmy considered his father's words for several moments. "Yea, I think I can understand that." He held out the map. "I think I found Minnesota. Is that it?"

"That's it! Good job!" Bobby placed the map on the table. "And here's New York City, where we live. "I'll show one of the ways we can get to Minnesota."

Jimmy leaned over the table to study the map. He looked and acted so much like Bobby that a lump grew in Alex's throat.

"I'd really like to meet your family, Daddy," Jimmy said. "And remember it this time."

"I'd like that too," Bobby said.

END


End file.
